Dreaming Awake

Mon, 12 May 2008 00:59:13 GMT

There's something magical in the films they show in TVE2 at this hours of the night. Donnie Darko, Pi, Dogville... They all are full of secret meaning if you know what to look for in them, and sometimes they serve me as my particular oracle.

Tonight they serve me as a reminder. I'm still stuck in Dogville. I haven't been writing very much lately, and words don't change the world.

Dogville is a metaphor. The village is the US. The village is humanity. And right now I'm just Tom, the philosopher kid talking to himself. Dreaming of a better, bigger, brighter tomorrow.

There's more I can do.

Mon, 05 May 2008 01:01:32 GMT

Why having a Lj if you're going to hide from it? It's like having a radio just to broadcast static. I really have to find a new meaning for this place.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:44:39 GMT

Lust, Caution
Hated it. Completely. I think I've never been a great fan of Ang Lee's work, but I found this movie utterly pointless. That is unless you measure a film's quality for the amount ot torrid sex scenes between asians it has.

While watching it I realized that I still haven't seen any good movie about undercover agents or spies. Oddly enough movies never seem to delve enough in the undercover agent's psychology. Instead they prefer to approach him/her from an external point of view, and deal with his actions more that than with his motivations. Skipping the most interesting part of all.

Dexter Season 1
Pretty much the opposite. The best serial killer story I've had the pleasure of watching ever (well, perhaps the Red Dragon comes a close second). Deep, new, refreshing and bloody. I really liked the way the show portrays the mind of a psycho.

Californication:
A brilliant Fox Mulder, I mean David Duchovny, in another unforgettable role. In the beginning it appears to be simply a story about sex, but instead it's a beautiful tale of love, growing up and loss.

I seem to be running out of shows. Fortunately the last season of the Wire has just started, and I still have a whole season of Dexter to watch. Life's good. Even if the grey rabbit-man says that the world will end in just 24 days :-D.

Time to face the past

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 03:36:23 GMT

As some of you might know, yesterday was my birthday. I didn't do anything really interesting besides splashing my face with sea water in the beach (a sort of night baptism into a new year of my life).

The main reason I didn't do anything is that I spent most of the day in the entrepreneurship program I'm taking right now. The good thing about the program is that it's opening some really new and amazing horizons in my life right now (the sky is the limit as they say). The bad thing, is that it's making me realize how much time I've lost those last few years with the state competition examinations.

I also by pure chance met in the street one of my old studies companions, one who still hasn't taken his exams. We talked a little bit about what he was going through and that helped me to see clearly how I've really moved on from that stage of my life. I guess I should be happy about that.

And I am. Somehow a new day is finally beginning.

****

I'll probably be doing something to celebrate my birthday this weekend at some point (dinner maybe). So if anyone is interested just let me know.

****

On an unrelated note, I must say that I saw REC and Hot Fuzz, and that I loved them both. Watching REC made me fail several helplessness and self checks (I reckon that the cameraman was called Pablo didn't help), but that's just what all great zombies movies should do . An american remake is on the way, but I think one should be done for every european country. Highly recommended viewing for those who want to feel really scared, specially in you live in a catholic country.

Hot Fuzz was great fun too. I think I liked Shaun of the Dead a little bit better, but HF was hilarious nonetheless (specially its climax).

Now I just have to find time to see Beowulf before it's off the cinemas. And probably the Golden Compass too (although again I'm a bit unsure of this one, I think I'll wait for some reviews before).

That time of the year again:

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 03:26:25 GMT

Tonight Donnie Darko was on tv. Again. I guess that it must be becoming sort of a tradition for them. A tradition I like, I might add.

It's odd, as the last time, the movie seems to precede a time of changes in my life. And also, again this time I watched it from beginning to end. It's interesting, I've seen it more than four times, I've got it in DVD but the movie still catches my attention like the first time.

I love the story, the acting (the Gyllenhall brothers are great, and so is Mary McDonnell), but what always hooks me it's the film's mood. That undefinable atmosphere of dread, melancholy and otherworldlyness that permeates everything, and that it's magnificiently created by the soundtrack.

The world definitely needs more movies like this one.

***

Which reminds me that I've got to go to the cinema to see Jaume Balaguero's REC, and possibly Elizabeth: The Golden Age. The first one even being a zombie flick seems promising, the second one seems a little bit scary (well to be more accurate its depiction of Spain seems a bit scary), but I'm still interested anyway. I'll share my thoughts if I finally manage to see them :-).

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 16:53:19 GMT

My current "sLAng" assignment keeps growing and growing. I was meant to write a mini-series for the game of no more than 12 pages long I believe. I think it might be well over the 20 pages mark right now, and it keeps growing.

The good things are that I'm both enjoying it and getting finally to understand how Los Angeles is (The Shield has been quite helpful for that).

Oh, btw I really should mention I saw an absolutely amazing production of Othello by Teatre Lliure the other day. I had never seen the play in stage (just in film), and I can assure you that it was magic from the beginning to the end.

Heroes S2 "Four Months Later"

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 23:24:42 GMT

I liked it. A promising season beginning so far. But the best thing was that one of the scenes was set in Cork, Ireland.

Really, I have to tell you, when I saw it I couldn't believe it and started laughing of joy :-D. Ah, that made my day ;-).

I'd really love to see more scenes set in Cork, but what would really rock would be an Irish "Hero" :-).

Btw, I know I'm not very good with the English accents, but didn't one of the guys had more of a Scottish accent than an Irish one?.

IF...

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 17:20:40 GMT

As most of you probably already know, I didn't pass the exam. But I don't feel disappointed by it. Well maybe a little bit, but more for my family than for myself. They had such a blind faith in that I was going to pass it, that failing hurts a little. But just a little.

I could start bitching and complaining about the exam, and how unfair they were with me, but to tell you the truth I can't help but feel that things have taken a turn for the best.

As Rudyard Kipling said:

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Right now the sky is the limit. I won't miss this chance, trust me ;-).

Tomorrow is the day...

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:37:19 GMT

Yeah. That's it. Tomorrow I've got that exam I've studying for so long.

At 16:30 (GMT) I'll be performing the most intense soliloquy of my acting career. Although as you might guess, Law will be involved. In fact zillions of pages of my law subjects will be pouring out of my brain through my mouth.

Ah well, whatever. It's been a long road to get here, but I'm done. I'm ready to move over to the next stage of my life :-).

Thanks for everyone that has supported me, and carried this cross with me. Soon all of it will be over, and I can assure you, that I couldn't have done it without you.

Wish me luck ;-)!!! I promise I'll be back soon (You can cout on it ;-D).

Only the end of the world again...

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 00:57:09 GMT

Last night I dreamed of the end of the world. In the dream I was in my house, in my room talking with the President. He told me about his lack of confidence in the future and oddly I tread to convince him he had done some good things that needed to be done during his term.

Then, suddenly I realized that it was raining, pouring outside. I opened the window and saw Las Palmas drowned, sunk by the waters. Two big, white, and hairy dogs which resembled wolves were also running around my house, chasing each other and playing like wild puppies. Then I set my eyes upon the sky and knew I was watching the end of the world. It was blurry and colored in impossible ways. It was a black sky with strains of orange fire, and terrifying violet hazes.

The otherworldly skies, and the rain are recurring elements in my dreams about the end of the world (yes, they also are recurring dreams). The white dogs/wolves are new. I wonder what they mean. Perhaps, nature's joy of being free again?

Still walking through the Penumbra:

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 02:12:13 GMT

Whew! I've been quite for way too long. In case you wonder why it's been mainly because of the studies. The first (and hopefully not last) of my exams to get a permanent job in the State's Justice Apparatus is this Saturday, so as you can guess, things have been a little bit hectic on that front (and by that I mean that all I do is pretty much study all day).

Although the studies have hardly left me time for anything else, I've done quite a few interesting things in the last weeks :-):

* I finished my last assignment for Nosolorol: Editing an "Ars Magica"-style game set in the Ancient Rome called "Arcana" and written by the talented Adrian Rodríguez Afonso. If you want my opinion is the best wizards game since the aforementioned "Ars Magica" and it's very original and unique in lots of ways, but by far its best virtue is the setting. The games takes place during the time of the so called reign of the "Three Imperators", and its full of plot ideas which make the most of the fascinating historical characters (Septimius Severus and Julia Domna are right now my favourite historical couple :-)).

* I've also been listening lately to "Guano Apes" like crazy, and I definitely can say that I love the band. It's been a late discovery for me, but Sandra Nasic has an amazing voice, and I also find her gorgeous in a "POE-esque" sort of way. The lyrics of their songs aren't that wonderful (I'm afraid, that's because they being german, suffer from the classical: "English isn't my home language syndrome"), but they work the trick.

* Somehow last month I found time to perform in an amateur theatrical production, called "El Sueño de la Vida", based in Garcia Lorca's posthumous work of the same name. I had a very short role, and I'm not that happy about my performance, but I'd love to get hold of any of the video recordings of the play to share it here.

* And finally, I can say, that because of mytholder's fault I'm starting (or trying to start) a Nobilis game. He graciously shared with me two of his Nobilis CON scenarios "In at the Deep End" & "The Primrose Monarch" which I both loved, specially "The Primrose Monarch", which as the author brilliantly says in the scenario introduction can be described as "Jane Austen meets Nobilis". What else can a man ask for ;-D?

Oh, I should also say that today one of my epiphanies, and realized that I'd love to learn medicine and be a Doctor, but I still have to give it more thought, I think...

Peanuts of the Caribbean:

Tue, 22 May 2007 22:43:37 GMT

Some years ago, my friend Juanjo told me about his vision. He dreamed of a movie. A movie made with actors who never complained, never arrived late to the filming sessions, and always did their best during the shootings.

A movie made with peanuts.

This friday his dream will come to life. For those of you who think that a horror movie made with salty snacks isn't a bad idea here's the link to the official webpage:

www.goingnutsthemovie.com

And for the rest, here you have a teaser:

¡¡Manises del Caribe!! (It's in Spanish, but it's fun to see anyway).

Death is the road to awe:

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:54:52 GMT

On Saturday I went to see Darren Aronofski's "The Fountain" ("La Fuente de la vida" here in Spain).

I went in thrilled after a long time waiting to see it, and I came out emotionally exhausted and broken. "Exhausted" as in "making love for two hours leaves you exhausted" and "broken" as in "receiving a beating leaves you broken".

I had seen Aronofski's two previous films ("Pi", "Requiem for a Dream") and had madly fallen in love with them. My friend Esteban and I even used to joke with the idea that if Aronofski had directed "V for Vendetta" the film would have probably started a revolution. Yes, in my opinion, he's such a good director.

I went with high expectations to the movie, and, at least in my case, I was right. The film was amazing.

I'm not sure I can explain you why. I can't dissect it in a technical way. The pseudo historical bits had more fantasy in them that I had expected, but on the whole they were really cool. The acting was great (Hugh Jackman was specially good on this one), and the music was heart breaking. Everything was fantastic, but I'm not sure it was just that. The film just spoke to me.

It spoke to me about death, love, and all the things that have ever worried me. And by that I mean, the things that have ever REALLY worried me in my life.

I've always thought that death was terrible. I still do (in certain way). Death comes to us all, and empties us, it transforms us from mighty, wonderful beings filled with the endless magic of possibility to pale, inert things. That's it. Through death we become just things. Lifeless, static.
Devoid of anything.

On the other side of the equation, for me there's always been love. If mortality is the force that pushes us to the lowliest state of being: inert matter, love is its opposite. Love draws us to the highest, noblest state the human being can reach. Love is the ultimate spiritual alchemy, it refines us from lead to gold, from human to more than human.

I guess that love & death have always been my two life defining obsessions. "Eros & Thanathos" like the greeks would have said.

Well, "the Fountain" was a movie made by someone who had the very same obsessions. It was like speaking to a soul-mate. As my gorgeous companion put it: the film was like a mirror, depending on what was inside of you, you could see more or less things in it.

I think she's right. It's probably a difficult movie, but one from which you can extract very meaningful things if you stop to listen. Even if it's just for a second.

I really can't help but to recommend the journey.

"Pi" left me deeply disturbed, "Requiem for a Dream" left me depressed, but "The Fountain"... It made me, think, hope, despair, love and cry.

Dear Roberta Sparrow...

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 02:21:01 GMT

Tonight has been a strange night of wonder & revelation. Lack of sleep sometimes brings me to what you could call a a state of altered consciousness. One in which you perceive things differently.

Well, I was actually thinking it was all in my head until I turned the TV on before going to sleep just to discover they were putting on Donnie Darko in the 2nd channel.

Ah, yes. That's what I usually call a sign.

Some brief thoughts on Rome & Alatriste...

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 04:33:51 GMT

Deathmask could hardly be more appropiate name for the episode that seems to signal the show's end. Why do I say this? Well, mainly because nothing, that happens in the episode is historical at all (well, actually the division of the territories between the triunvirate is, but just that).

It's really a shame (Specially considering that the episode had such strong moments. I'm not discussing any to avoid spoilers). Rome had been so far the best historical tv show, well... Ever... It's hard to see it turn its back on its principles in such a way.

Anyway, maybe I shouldn't be so fatalistic, perhaps they can still manage to build a good ending with the infighting between the triumvirate. No? They can't mess Mark Antony and Octavius fight for power, can they?

Well at least, Lucius Vorenus seems to be back to his usual self. More or less...

*****

As for Alatriste, both, Luis and I, figured a way of seriously improving the film, without spending a single € in filming, special effects or anything. Just include a voice over that says before the first scene,: "Previously in Alatriste...", and then show the rest of the film as if it was a summary of a 24, one hour episodes, series.

It greatly improves the quality of the film, don't you agree? :-D.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:35:30 GMT

A picture I took has been published in "El Mundo". It's obviously due to the models involved but I thought someone may like it ;-).

The rest of the carnival series are as usual here.

You know that Cold City is a totally awesome game:

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 04:00:48 GMT

When you realize you've role played your first scene completely in English in your whole life (Thanks to the good 'ol Nast who's finally back from Edinburgh).

Seriously, the more I play this game the more I like it. I like it's conflict resolution mechanic even better that I liked it's trust mechanic (and I did like the trust mechanic a lot). I too like a lot it's european feel and the fact that I can enjoy multi-lingual scenes while running it (just after Nast had a brief conversation with Mr. Wright in english, dzalreck who plays a french ex-maquis had another conversation with another british officer. He speaking in french and the englishman replying in english. It was wonderful).

Definitely the best fun we've had in years :-D!!!

With such brilliant games coming out more, and more often (I've also fallen in love with the Spirit of the Century system, and John's Wick Houses of the Blooded, looks better each day), I wonder how long will D&D stand being the most popular rpg of the world...

You know what they say: Nothing lasts forever. Except true love ;-).

Early/Late 2007 Resolutions & some brief thoughts about time:

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 04:47:22 GMT

1. Be the change I want to see in the world. Which involves thinking a lot about which specific changes I want to see in the world, but also means:

2. Only write meaningful, thought-spanning stuff that pushes changes in the world. Stuff that raises questions, and breeds an insatiable hunger of answers and justice. And the same goes for the acting. And the radio programs, and everything else. I wish could spend my time in anything I wished, but right now I don't have that much time, so I prefer to devote it to the really useful & important things.

3. As part of the previously stated: Write that trilogy of mini-games about the world I keep telling me about. The one about destroying the world ("Fight Club" meets "Heroes"), the one about surviving the end of the world (Go Aguasnegras! GO!), and the one about giving birth to a new world. Create a simple, yet mature set of rules for them. Rules that don't include dice or any of the gamey-geeky stuff that usually turns older people away from roleplaying. Develop the setting so it serves as basis for other future works of fiction of my own (and other if they wish, and yes, this goes for people like you, Lightartisan).

4. Finishing my "Vendetta" trilogy for "sLAng" with the best roleplaying scenario ever written in Spain (Which should be included in the next scenarios anthology "Seis balas más"). Something that has to do with walking through the fire without getting burned. Something that deals with the aftermath of a revenge. Something written with Tarantino's Pulp-Fictionesque style...

Ah, so much wonderful writing to do. I really can't wait to get started :-D.

Lately I've been feeling that I can't fight against time. That it slowly corrodes everything, and once you feel real happiness, things only can get worse from that point on. Now I realize/think, that that is only half true. Moment's get lost in time, people, cool people that is doesn't. So thanks to all those I love. Thanks to those who ever were part of "La Garra del Dragón IV", specially, Lightartisan, Mayweda, Dzalreck, Banuor, Govinda & Zoso. Thank you for not letting time take you away. Thank you for being there, even if it's just in the distance. I love you all so much guys. There's so much left to do in this life and this world, I really hope that we all can accomplish it, side by side. Some day. Some close day in a near future.

Until then, keep counting on me! ;-).

The Ephiphany that came to me while watching "Heroes":

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 05:19:55 GMT

This is mostly a note for myself, but anyway here it goes:

Lately I've been thinking a lot on how the human brain works, and the possibility that consciousness is a phenomena that exists on a very different level than the one we know today of neurons and brain nerves.

Or to say it with another words, I'm really fascinated by the possibility that consciousness doesn't exist only in our brain. Maybe it's something that isn't related to our brain at all. It's obvious, that the brain acts as the governor of the body. It's true that it receives information from the senses, processes it and with it, it rules through nervous impulses the functioning of our organs.

But beyond that I'm afraid that modern science doesn't know very much about the process of consciousness at all. It has to be related to our brain, because we make conscious decisions about our body (for example: I've decided to type this now), and those decisions get transferred to the appropriate organs through nervous impulses from the brain, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the brain is our consciousness. Maybe it's just an extension of our nervous system. Maybe it's the link between our consciousness and the rest of the body. If so? Where it exists? In which level? How does it originate?

Those who know me, know that although "spiritual", I'm not a religious person. I'm what you could call an agnosticist, but I can help to believe that, we may have a soul after all. And that makes me wonder about it's real possibilities. About our real possibilities.

***

In other news, "Heroes" is definitely the best TV show since "LOST". Not only has answers, it also raises questions, can it get any better? :-).

El Camino de los ingleses

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:01:07 GMT

Antonio Banderas new film "El Camino de los ingleses" (aka "Summer Rain" outside Spain)is a lot like "Verano Azul" directed by Sam Mendes (The Director of "American Beauty"). And it's actually the best spanish film I've seen since "El Laberinto del Fauno" (aka "Pan's Labyrinth").

I heartily recommend it. Specially if you like poetry. It's worth watching even if it's just for the final sequence where the rain washes away the summer with a melancholic jazz song as backdrop (Antonio Meliveo's excellent soundtrack really does help the movie a lot). Definitely not the sort of thing one usually expects to find in the cinemas in christmas, and in my humble opinion clearly underrated by the critics. Go to see if you have the chance.

Some words of advice from the master:

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 02:15:00 GMT

Awakedreamer dice:
You definitely have an untapped potential as bohemian writer/seducer here in Spain
Mytholder dice:
ah, that's the problem. I didn't multiclass...
Awakedreamer dice:
Lol
Mytholder dice:
hence seduction must be a cross-class skill for me
Mytholder dice:
that old problem
Awakedreamer dice:
I have to admit that I don't like D&D very much, but listening to you I'm starting to believe that anything in life can be explained in D20 terms
Mytholder dice:
totally
Mytholder dice:
it's like the simpsons
Mytholder dice:
there's a simpsons quote for every possible concept

And I totally agree. I wonder what level Bart Simpson is? :-D.

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 02:52:48 GMT

This is rather depressing (Courtesy of the always brilliant jazzfish)

I just find really heartbreaking that someones mind can be torn into pieces like that. And it makes me angry, because besides being horrible it's just plain stupid. How are you supposed to interrogate somebody who's mind has been reduced to a barren waste?.

If you're gonna prohibit using torture, please, enforce the prohibition. Having a legal "paradise" in which some people can torture, it's a major contradiction for any culture who really believes in human rights.

And of course, don't believe this just happens in the US. I can't be sure, but I'm afraid it happens in Spain too. I suppose that what angers me most is that the eradication of torture is a real possibility in the democratic countries. You just need to establish a "zero tolerance policy".

No matter what happens.

Arsonists wanted. Ask here.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 01:08:49 GMT

Crap.

It seems that the version of "The End" (my first sLAng scenario being published), that went to printer was one of the previous drafts and not the final version. I know something like this happened to Greg Stolze once (with his "Stoon Lake" scenario in the "Weep" anthology), but I never thought something like this could happen to me.

It's not really that the scenario is unplayable in its actual state, but I had done some serious improvements in the final version (I rewrote some of the PC's flashbacks improving them a lot), that increased the impact the story had on the players. I suppose this is my first lesson as writer: Make sure the publisher has received your final draft. Really, really sure.

Either that or hire some muscle to burn down the printer before the books leave for the shelves, get the insurance money and then print the right version.

So, does anybody want to recommend me a good arsonist? :-P

Just like little children:

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 03:38:07 GMT

I was thinking on making an entry talking about cinema, specifically the latest movies I've seen. But an unfortunate series of events has turned me on another direction.

Sadly, in the last two weeks, several friends of mine have lost their pets (Two beautiful doggies and a kitty! All my loving karma for them!!!), and this has made me thought.

Pets. It's amazing how meaningful and important those little friends, those little brothers & sisters can be to us. In "Blade Runner", feeling empathy towards them was the ultimate proof of being a human being. In the also marvellous "Children of Men" they're everywhere. In every house. In every street.

You see, in the movie's setting (and I'm not spoling anything here), human beings can't have children anymore, so instead they've pets. They never tell you that in the film (something which I liked a lot), but it's evident that dogs & cats play the roles of little children in people's famillies. It's obvious that they aren't really substitutes for children, but somehow, their presence manages to fill that gap in our hearts.

And you know why is that?

That's because they love's never a lie. It's something freely (and fully) granted. Something that can't be hidden or that one should be ashamed of. And that's the reason we love them so much. Because those of us who are able to feel it know how rare and precious such a treasure is...

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:03:11 GMT

I'm in need of a good fantasy novel.

Something in the vein of Mièville, Gaiman, Powers or Holdstock. I really long for a story that touches my guts and my heart at the same time, and tears both apart. A story that makes me dream.

So, any suggestions are of course, welcome.